You have two cows...
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
You have two cows.
The government takes both and gives you milk.
You have two cows.
The government takes both and shoots you.
You have two cows.
The government takes both. It then starves one, milks the other... and then throws the milk away
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
You have two cows.
The EU takes one because otherwise you would be "over-quota" in milk production, milks it, stores the milk in the form of milk powder in warehouses all over Europe so an not to perversely depress the global price of milk, taxes you to the hilt via your national Government and then gives the money to people who don’t produce milk in exchange for their commitment to continue not producing milk.
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then
buys your bull.
You have two cows.
John Paulson borrows one cow so he can sell it for $100. He gives you $10 as collateral.
You buy your neighbors cow for $100, which you finance by taking out a $90 loan from the bank and use John's $10 to make up the rest.
You brag to everyone about your financial health. You have assets--two cows you own, plus one Paulson owes you--worth $300, and liabilities of just $100.
A third of the country goes vegetarian.
You thought your two cows were worth $200 and now they are worth $140.
You express confidence in your financial health. Your assets are now worth only $200--your two cows plus the one John owes you--but your liabilities are still only $100. If necessary, you could sell the assets at this distressed price and pay off all your loans.
You hold onto your cows because you are sure the market is "dislocated." Some day someone will want to eat beef again.
The rest of the country goes vegetarian. Your two cows are now worth $2 each to guys who want to make dog food.
John Paulson buys a cow in the market for $2 and he gives it to you as repayment of the loan. You now have three cows worth six bucks.
John wants his $10 back.
The bank calls. It wants its $90 back.
You call the Federal Reserve and ask for a bailout.
You have two cows.
John Paulson borrows one cow so he can sell it for $100. He gives you $10 as collateral.
After Paulson borrows your cow, demand spikes and he's able to sell it to your neighbor for $150.
Your neighbor finances the purchase with 110% loan from the bank, then turns around and flips the same cow to you for $200 (cows never decline in value), which you purchase with 5% down (the $10 from Paulson) plus $190 from the bank.
Now you have your original two cows, plus $200 in debt ($190 to the bank, $10 to Paulson), and Paulson owes you a cow.
Meanwhile, a private cow producer named Hoovenanian (NASDAQ: HOOV) has gone public and raised lots of money to produce cows very efficiently. HOOV floods the market and cow prices plummet.
Paulson wants his $10 so you give him a cow and call it even. The bank wants its $190 so you give it your last cow, plus the deed to your farm.
Your neighbor took all his profits and bought calls on HOOV, written by Paulson. HOOV crashes and your neighbor goes broke. The bank also takes his farm, but is short of cash so it transfers both farms and a 30% preferred interest in the bank to Warren Buffett in exchange for a bridge loan, to be repaid at 15% interest over 10 years.
The government grows concerned about the solvency of the bank and accepts the remaining cow as collateral for a billion dollar line of credit. The bank's board gives the CEO a 50 million dollar bonus for negotiating such a clever deal with the government.
Paulson closes his hedge fund and retires.
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
You have two cows.
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
You have two cows but owe the ECB for six.
Nobody drinks milk.
You have a siesta and read about the collapse of the Euro.
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
You lease two cows and pay somebody three times the going rate to milk them using borrowed money. You refinance the 4 cows to secure the services of Goldman Sachs. They sell the future milk production of the 60 cows and fund your lifestyle.
You retire to anywhere that doesn’t use the Euro.
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
You have two cows.
You worship them.
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
You have two cows.
One of them is a horse
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy...
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive
You have two stolen cows.
Take a bank loan of 4 cows, then sell the 4 loan cows, and put the 2 stolen cows under your childrens name.
Tell the bank that you can not pay them, unless they finance you a milk factory.
Take the money and go to Singapore
You have two cows.
Both get stolen from Indonesia.
You have two cows.
so you send one to Pattaya to work in the sex industry. The other one is really a bull with tits.
You have 2 cows.
You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes.
Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
You don’t have any cows. But you claim sovereignty over the ones belonging to your neighbor..
Congratulations. You are now the very proud owner of 2 million exceedingly fine cows.
There is very much luck for you. I can guarantee 100% this is not a scam.
In order to secure the documents of ownership of your wonderful cows, please send your email address and bank details as proof you are the lucky person who now owns these cows.
You very lucky man. Congratulations.
Don't forget Bank details. This is most important to secure these best cows.
You very lucky.
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
You have 10 cows.